ROCKAWAY, NJ — She lost her 12-year-old daughter to bullying and is on the verge of losing a bill aimed at toughening New Jersey’s anti-bullying laws.
But Dianne Grossman is unbowed, undeterred and asking for everyone to join her fight to make “Mallory’s Law” a reality before time runs out on the legislative clock.
The bill is named for Grossman’s daughter Mallory, a gymnast and cheerleader from Rockaway, who took her own life in 2017 after relentless bullying, according to her parents. The legislation was approved unanimously in the Senate in June but stalled in the Assembly under the powerful influence of the New Jersey Principals and Supervisors Association, Grossman said.
“They are very kind. I believe their hearts are in the right place,” Grossman said. “But I feel as if they are disconnected down in Trenton.”
Grossman said she was invited by leaders of the New Jersey school administrators group to sit down and discuss the bill and changes they wanted to make to it. The Senate bill would require school and county officials to address bullying situations before an incident escalated. Its aim was to increase transparency and accountability, while standardizing the process.
The bill also provided for civil liabilities against parents and requirements to attend anti-bullying education classes if they showed “blatant disregard of supervising their child, [or] if their child has been judged to be delinquent of harassment or cyber harassment,” a press release says.
The reporting and notification process for bullying incidents would be expanded: Any accounts of bullying would be sent to the executive county superintendent and the parents of any students involved.
Any student found guilty of bullying would have the incident placed on their permanent record. After three proven bullying incidents, a student and their parents would be required to attend an anti-bullying training session, and law enforcement would be notified to see if any crimes were committed.
Pat Wright, the executive director of the state Principals and Supervisors Association, said the group is working on amendments for the bill.
“We have been and will continue to work with the sponsors of this legislation to develop constructive amendments,” Wright said in an email. “We have been meeting in good faith with all interested parties to ensure that the law achieves its intended impact.”
Wright said she devoted much of her career to the anti-bullying issue and has engaged with members, teachers and board members on the implementation of the law since the first anti-bullying law was passed in 2002.
“I have researched this topic personally and was proud to chair the anti-bullying task force that studied implementation issues around the Anti Bullying Bill of Rights. I, and our organization, are dedicated to advocating on behalf of students to ensure their right to learn in a school where they feel safe and valued,” she said. “No student deserves anything less.”
Mallory’s Army
The Grossmans became anti-bullying advocates in the wake of their daughter’s death, launching the advocacy group Mallory’s Army. Dianne Grossman conducts workshops and speeches to share her daughter’s story and call for bullying prevention efforts. Mallory’s Army was previously honored in the Senate with a resolution recognizing its efforts.
The story of Mallory’s decision to take her own life and her family’s advocacy was among the factors spurring a long-running Patch national advocacy reporting project examining bullying and cyberbullying from multiple angles. One in three U.S. children is bullied, either in person or online, as Mallory was. Tens of thousands of kids stay home from school every day to avoid their bullies, and children who are bullied can carry the scars into adulthood.
Mallory’s parents said she took her life to escape horrific bullying. In a lawsuit against their daughter’s school, they said officials failed to prevent bullying by four classmates and that the actions of administrators made Mallory’s suffering worse.
According to the lawsuit, a group of four girls bullied Mallory at home via social media, in the classroom and in the lunchroom, actions the family claims directly led to Mallory’s suicide death on June 14, 2017. The suit says the school district fell short of a legal obligation to prevent bullying.
Three Points Of Contention
Grossman said the Principals and Supervisors Association had three concerns with the bill, which Grossman said were reasonable, noting she was happy to meet with the group to discuss a compromise. Specifically, the group did not want the school resource officers involved in a complaint made under a new law.
“They were concerned it would have the tone of a criminal complaint and could potentially violate their Miranda rights,” Grossman said, calling the concerns valid.
Grossman said she offered several versions of compromise, and all were rejected.
The group also opposed involving the county school superintendent in the process. Currently, a complaint from the district level is referred to an ombudsman in Trenton, which Grossman said puts residents for whom English is a second language at a disadvantage. She also said leaving it to local school boards to resolve complaints can lead to an underreporting of incidents. Looping in the county superintendent was designed to give local families access to local help.
Grossman thinks the reasoning is subterfuge and the real reason for the group’s opposition “boiled down to the fact that they don’t get along with the county superintendent.”
“Well, grow up,” Grossman said. “These are children’s lives we are talking about.”
The group also opposed the notification of parents if incidents of bullying occur in schools.
“How can we as parents do our jobs and be held accountable if we aren’t told what is happening? They want, as schools, to complete their investigations,” Grossman said. “They don’t want to be transparent, they don’t want to report, and they don’t want to be liable.”
Grossman said she used to blame parents for the actions of their children but now says parents cannot be blamed if they are not informed.
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“The schools have a closed-door policy. They want to be 100 percent responsible and yet zero percent liable,” Grossman said. “You just can’t have it both ways.”
For her part, Wright said work on a bill like this by multiple parties is typical.
“It is not at all unusual for NJPSA, and the other educational organizations, to work collaboratively with the authors of important pieces of legislation throughout the process to ensure that the final version voted on in the Legislature can be most effectively implemented in schools if signed into law. In fact, this is our standard practice,” Wright said. “We, and many other organizations, have been working diligently and constructively with the sponsors of Mallory’s Law since it was first drafted and will continue to do so, to clarify language, to ensure that we protect student rights, to honor existing laws, and to provide administrators responsible for its implementation with clear direction and expectations.”
Wright also noted that the group’s responsibility in ensuring appropriate implementation of anti-bullying laws goes beyond advocacy.
“In addition, NJPSA continually provides legal training and professional learning opportunities for all administrators and anti-bullying specialists on the anti-bullying bill of rights and how to handle incidents of bullying in schools,” she said. “We also offer multiple training sessions on improving school climate and culture, and creating environments where bullying would be least likely to occur.”
A New Jersey Problem
Grossman does not lay all the responsibility at the feet of the New Jersey Principals and Supervisors Association. The Assembly also shoulders some of the blame, she said.
“Unlike my work with the Senate, there is no fire in the Assembly. They pass a bill about banning plastic bags when I can walk into the store and buy a box of zip-lock bags,” Grossman said. “The problem is, the right child hasn’t died yet. That is what it will take. The right child has to die.”
The bill establishing Mallory’s Law, sponsored by Democrats Angelica Jimenez, Annette Quijano, Valerie Huttle and Carol Murphy, along with Republican BettyLou DeCroce, has languished in committee since May. At the end of the session, despite passing the Senate, Grossman will be back at square one.
“We have to start over in January. Everything we did gets scrapped, and we have to start with a new bill,” Grossman said.
Murphy said that work on the bill continues.
“Various members of the public have raised concerns about certain aspects of the bill and how it would ultimately be implemented. The Senate and Assembly sponsors of the bill, along with the leadership of both chambers, are in discussions on how to resolve these issues and continue to advance this legislation,” she told Patch in an email. “I believe that we need to keep this issue at the forefront, as it is something incredibly important to me.”
For her part, DeCroce told Patch she believes the bills will move forward before the end of the session, and she has urged her colleagues to move that legislation forward.
“Mallory’s Law, of course, expands the reporting requirements for bullying incidents, and equally as important, brings an accused bully’s parents into the process and holds them accountable if there is a blatant disregard for their child’s conduct,” DeCroce said. “I am confident my colleagues in the Assembly understand the importance of both bills and that we will get a consensus on them before the end of the session.”
Part of the changes, Grossman noted, could be the inclusion of digital responsibility being taught in the schools, something that other states have already done.
“We have no digital responsibility laws in this state. But we are considering passing a law about handwriting,” Grossman said, referring to an attempt to mandate cursive writing in the classroom. This is not regulation that Grossman is a big fan of.
“I wish I didn’t live in a world where we had to legislate behavior,” she said.
Grossman said she has encountered people in her advocacy work who consider bullying a rite of passage. Grossman adamantly insists it is not.
“No one became a better person because they were tormented in middle school,” Grossman said.
And it is not for herself or for her daughter’s legacy that she is fighting so hard for this bill. She said children currently struggling in school need a voice and she has a moral obligation to be that voice.
“This law isn’t for the places where people are following policy and best practices. It is for the places that aren’t and need to start,” Grossman said. “This isn’t a Rockaway problem or a Morris County problem. This is a New Jersey problem.”
Grossman said that should the bill not pass the Assembly, she will mobilize Mallory’s Army into action sooner rather than later.
“I will storm Trenton,” Grossman said. “I don’t need this law for Mallory’s legacy. I have a foundation and I have a big mouth. And I don’t care who I piss off.”
Grossman also spoke out on Facebook live on Monday, urging people to contact their representatives. You can see that video below:
This post contains reporting by Katie Kausch.
Read More About Mallory Grossman:
6 Of The Most Disturbing Claims In NJ Bullying Death Lawsuit1 Year Later, Mallory Grossman Lives On In Anti-Bullying EffortsMallory Grossman’s Mom Shares Painful New Bullying DetailsBullying Of Mallory Grossman, 12, Detailed In Wrongful Death Suit’Mallory’s Army’ Fights Back Against Bullying After 12-Year-Old’s Sudden Death
In the long-running “Menace of Bullies” series, Patch is looking at society’s roles and responsibilities in bullying and a child’s unthinkable decision to end their own life, in hopes we might offer solutions that save lives.
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