Our fours program at preschool started off great. My child woke up happy and ready to head off to school, and he was excited to see friends and play games all day. I would drop him off and head to yoga without a worry.
Then, something changed mid-October. He started waking up crying and saying that he didn’t like school anymore and refused to go. He kicked and screamed so badly that we had to drag him out of the house and get him dressed in the car. Good thing the neighbors don’t mind a quick toddler flashing!
I’m starting to wonder if maybe this preschool isn’t the right place for our boy. But it’s possible that he would not want to go to any preschool we sent him to. This is worrisome because if he doesn’t like playing at preschool, what will happen when he’s sitting at a desk learning Algebra?
Mom Natalie commiserates and says, “This is happening now with our 3-year-old and I don’t really know what to do. We talk about it the night before and I ask for input on what she wants in her lunch, what she wants to wear the next day. I write notes in her lunch box, too, trying to remind her that we love her and how much fun she’s having when she’s there.”
When I shared what was going on with another mom friend, she forwarded me a newsletter from her preschool, The Well Centered Child, that explained how this situation is all too common among preschoolers today.
It read, “In September, Andy loved school so much that he even campaigned to go on the weekends. Now it’s mid-way through October and quite suddenly he’s refusing to go at all. There’s no question that his class and teachers are warm and welcoming. The school is everything his family could hope for. Clearly Andy’s got those weary, dreary, ‘I Wanna Stay Home Today Blues.'”
This newsletter also shared a few possibilities why your kid might be anti-preschool these days:
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The Newness Is Gone — The newness of the whole school adventure has worn off and some children are astonished to discover that you actually expect them to keep going to school week after week.
Fear Of Missing Out — They begin to wonder what their parents or grandparents might be up to without them. Maybe it’s something fun. Other children simply miss the comforting toast and jelly routines of a morning at home.
Class Gets Challenging — Children usually shed their “company manners” after a few weeks in school. Once boys and girls begin to feel at home, they begin playing like real children. By October, there are sure to be more grabbing of toys, more busy noise and more squabbles as they get to know each other.
Fatigue Sets In — Your child might be just plain tired. Adjusting to school takes lots of energy and the effort can catch up with even the most energetic of children. The time change at the beginning of November can disrupt sleep patterns.
Other moms I’ve chatted with also agree that after the six-week mark, the novelty has worn off and kids start putting up a fuss. Their fuss probably doesn’t involve being dragged out of the house naked, but I digress.
Let’s remember this is how some adults feel too with their own office jobs, especially after the summer. So maybe our little ones are onto something — or maybe we need to find preschools that mix things up a lot more.
But psychologist Emily W. King, Ph.D. takes this issue more seriously. “School refusal is rooted in anxiety,” she says. “This can range from a brief developmental phase of adjusting to preschool without mom or dad all the way to a sustained high level of anxiety about something in the learning environment causing a child to go into fight, flight or freeze mode about the going-to-school transition.”
So what should parents do when this situation presents itself? King advises parents sit down for a conference with their child’s teacher. “Parents should ask, ‘Once my child is at school, does the day go just fine?’ If so, then this is likely a developmental phase of separation anxiety and it is important to keep going to establish a routine of consistency and trust that the teacher is the child’s safe person at school,” King says.
When we pick up my boy from preschool, he seems happy and says he had a good day, so maybe this situation isn’t too serious for us. We have a teacher conference on Monday, and you can bet that I will bring this up with her and get some more clues. Hopefully, we get past this phase so my husband doesn’t throw his back out carrying our boy out the door like he did last week. Wish us luck!
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